Memorial Day: a day for thought and reflection on those that have gone before us. Those brave heroes that fought for us and gave the ultimate sacrifice: their lives. Yesterday was a blessed day indeed. We went to Grandma’s house and had a family dinner. With our family, it’s always loud and crazy; but you can feel the love and I’m so happy that God put me where he did and chose this family for me. I couldn’t ask for more love then I receive from all of them.
Melissa, my first cousin, had a great idea. She wanted everyone to write down memories of those in our family that have already passed on. She put them on a poster board for everyone to read. It was very interesting to read the memories and learn a little more about our family history. She also decided to get out the old photo boxes, so we went through some of them, and learned more about our large, loving, family.
Last week was a good week overall. The dizziness and vertigo were much better and really the main issue was fatigue. But nothing I couldn’t handle. I was saying this to Mom yesterday and she said, “Do you think the acupuncture made it better?” I had completely forgotten that I did get acupuncture last Monday after treatment, so maybe it was? I decided to try it, and if it works, yeah. I had my 9th chemo treatment today and then also went in for acupuncture again. We’ll see how my week turns out but I’m hoping and planning for the best.
I’m now over half way done with my chemo regiments. I have 12 the first round and 4 the second round for a total of 16. So I’m on the downhill slide!! I’m praying round two isn’t too hard on me, but I know God will protect and heal me so I must have faith.
I also saw Dr. Truong a few weeks ago and he said he believed the tumor has shrank another .5 cm. So it’s around 3 cm now. He also said he fully believes the second round of chemo will completely dissipate the tumor. He’s very optimistic so that helps me to be as well.
I’m still so thankful for my ‘food angels’. Those meals really help me maintain my energy levels, current weight, and ensure we all get a healthy dinner. We have some fantastic cooks in our community and I just hope that I can repay the favor someday. Lotsahelpinghands is a great site and I’m so glad Krista found it. I find it hard to ask for help, but I know that pride is sinful so I’m trying to get better at it. It’s a humbling experience to admit I can’t do it all; really I probably never could but you know us type A people, we think we can so we try until we can’t try an longer.
This diagnosis has made me stop and think about the important things in life. Is a little dust really that bad?? I say NO as long as the baby isn’t eating it. J Are toys all over the house going to kill me? NO as long as they aren’t in the path so we can’t trip over them. Life is short, no matter if you have cancer or not. All we can do is cherish the NOW. We are not guaranteed one more second, so I’ve really tried to learn not to sweat the small stuff. As in the big picture will it matter?
There was a girl in chemo today that was very upset. She was having a low day and just began crying uncontrollably. She was talking the nurse and I truly felt for her. She said she just is so scared to die. She sometimes wonders why she even does treatments and she’s so angry at the cancer. The nurse assured her all her feelings were natural and part of the grief cycle. I told her the way I make it through is one day at a time. I do have breakdowns and those emotions are normal so break down, get back up, and think positively towards our futures. I told her I do treatments so that I know that I did everything in my power to win this battle but in the end it’s up to God not me. I take it one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time as I know with treatments we can feel great one minute and awful the next. I told her that’s what gets me through and then I asked her if she was a Christian and had a church family. She hesitated and then said YES, but I’m not certain she does. So please pray for her. I don’t know her name but pray she finds peace and gives her fear and burdens to God. Of course I don’t want to die, but when I do, as eventually we all will, I know I’ll be in heaven with my maker. I read the book, Heaven is for Real last week and it was great. It got me thinking more about what heaven is actually like; as before I’ve only had an abstract concept of it.
I’m also trying to meditate. Just a minute to start with then I’ve tried to increase it. Being quiet and thinking of nothing to be one with my being is a very difficult task for me. However research shows the mind body connection is critical to survival. It also shows spirituality is key as well. That is why I had to share how I cope with this crazy disease to the girl in chemo. Thank you God for my healing and I’m looking forward to another great week.
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